Tell Them You Love Me Review: Confronting the Messy Truths of Human Connection

Tell Them You Love Me documents a disturbing case that challenges our assumptions about consent, disability, and human connection. The film chronicles the explosive scandal between Anna Stubblefield, an ethics professor at Rutgers University, and her student, Derrick Johnson, a nonverbal man with severe cerebral palsy. When Stubblefield begins using facilitated communication to help give Johnson a voice, she becomes convinced that he is a vibrant, intelligent person trapped inside a broken body.

Their teacher-student relationship slowly morphs into a romantic and sexual one, igniting a fiery debate that would capture national headlines. At the core lies a wrenching question: did Stubblefield exploit and assault a profoundly disabled man, or did she unlock the mind of a kindred spirit who just wanted to be seen?

The film gives us intimate access into this legal and ethical minefield, challenging viewers to examine their own ableist assumptions about agency and consent. We hear conflicting tales about Johnson’s mental capacity, the validity of facilitated communication, and whether this could have been a consensual union. While the truth remains elusive, Tell Them You Love Me confronts us with the messy realities of human connection across seemingly unbridgeable divides.

A Forbidden Bond

In 2009, Dr. Anna Stubblefield met Derrick Johnson, a nonverbal man with severe cerebral palsy, after his brother Dr. John Johnson enrolled him in her class on facilitated communication for people with disabilities. As a leading expert in this controversial technique, Stubblefield claimed she could give a voice to those unable to speak.

What began as teacher and pupil soon shifted to something deeper. As Stubblefield assisted Derrick in typing messages expressing complex thoughts and feelings, she became convinced his still mind had been tragically trapped within his broken body since birth. Their sessions unlocked a vivid personality and sharp intellect, she believed, allowing him to enroll in college courses and pen essays on literature.

According to Stubblefield, Derrick initiated a romantic relationship by asking her to kiss him and remove their clothes. They had sex on her office floor and at his home. She insists it was consensual, but Derrick’s mother Daisy and brother John felt differently when they found out. They saw a helpless man barely able to feed himself, not someone able to consent.

The ensuing legal battle would pit Derrick’s family against a woman who believed she had awakened his voice, mind, and sexuality after a lifetime of darkness. It sparked warring questions about the line between exploitation and liberation, the validity of facilitated communication, and the nature of consent itself.

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Probing the Gray Areas

At its core, Tell Them You Love Me confronts the messy intersections of consent, disability, race, and connection. It challenges viewers to examine long-held assumptions.

Facilitated communication aims to give voice to those who cannot speak. But can someone like Derrick, profoundly disabled since birth, truly consent to sex?

The film reveals the ableist belief that the severely disabled lack agency, awareness or sexuality. Derrick may have seemed childlike, but did a vibrant mind lie within? As Anna claimed, could she have unlocked a caged spirit who craved expression?

Critics argue Anna projected her own thoughts and feelings onto Derrick. They dismiss facilitated communication as an illusion. But could Derrick have initiated intimacy, defying odds and expectations? The film leaves consent ambiguous.

Derrick’s family feels Anna erased his Black identity by imposing her passions for wine and classical music. They see a white savior complex at play.

These racial tensions touch deep wounds and feed suspicion of Anna’s motives. They context a disabled Black man’s body being used without his consent. The film highlights societal biases that paint disabled people of color as needing rescue.

Experts argue facilitated communication depends on the facilitator, not the disabled person. Therapists can unconsciously guide the keyboard, believing they are transcribing independent thoughts.

If annotations reflected Anna’s inner voice, she may have innocently projected depth onto Derrick. Desire to help may have blinded her. But the film leaves room for facilitated communication’s validity.

Anna saw herself as a benevolent liberator freeing a brilliant mind. But her ex-husband called her a narcissist needing adoration and control. Did she act from delusion or malice? The film prods viewers to examine their own hero narratives.

It asks whether non-disabled people can empower the vulnerable while respecting consent. Can any intimacy between carer and cared-for avoid inherent power divides?

No consensus emerges on Derrick’s mental capacity or ability to consent. The film refuses simple verdicts. It reveals the messiness and unknowns in human connection, especially across disabilities.

In the end, the film holds irresolvable questions about autonomy, sexuality, communication, and the duty to protect. It compels self-scrutiny of our biases surrounding disability. The ambiguities linger, unsettled yet demanding reflection.

A Nuanced Tone

Tell Them You Love Me stands out for its commitment to balance, lending empathy and depth to all sides. Through intimate interviews, it resists simplistic heroes and villains. This thoughtful approach bolsters the film’s emotional punch.

Interviews with Anna, Derrick’s family, and experts refusal easy outrage. The film lets Anna share her version without vilifying her as predator. It gives weight to the family’s shock without dismissing their care for Derrick.

Rather than force a verdict, it embraces ambiguities from different vantages. This restraint makes the story all the more haunting. Each player becomes relatable in their fervent belief in what is right.

By ceding much screen time to those involved, the film foregrounds raw, first-person accounts. This direct access helps humanize the case beyond sensational headlines. Close-ups capture each subject’s emotions as they re-live the trauma.

Seeing the pain and conviction in their eyes, we connect to their humanity. The absence of a detached narrator enhances intimacy and transparency between viewer and subject.

The film patiently lays groundwork before the relationship emerges. It spares time parsing complicated questions about communication, consent, and sexuality.

Rather than race to the scandal, it allows ethical quandaries their full weight. The measured pace pulls us deeply into the legal and social ramifications.

More analysis from lawyers or scholars on consent and disability would have enriched the discourse. Their concise takes could strengthen or challenge positions.

Despite this gap, the film still covers much ground. It thoroughly examines bias and preconception. Additional legal voices could have supplemented the moral dialogue.

By refusing snap judgment, Tell Them You Love Me brings refreshing nuance to an unsettling case. It challenges viewers through dogged open-mindedness, not packaged answers. However the facts are interpreted, it compels self-reckoning on society’s ableist assumptions.

Unsettling Truths

Ultimately, Tell Them You Love Me refuses simplistic verdicts. Despite harsh punishment, the film suggests Anna acted from profound delusion rather than malice. She appears neither predator nor liberator, but a complex figure who caused real harm.

As for Derrick’s consent, his mental capacity remains unknown. The film powerfully challenges assumptions about disabled voices while confronting ableism and ignored agency.

Flawed communication cannot justify violating ethical bonds between student and teacher or carer and care recipient. Still, disabled sexuality and personhood deserve affirming.

I strongly recommend this unflinching film to those seeking a deeper understanding of consent, communication, and voice. It stays with you through unsettled questions and defies predictable paths. Uncomfortable yet essential viewing.

While the truth about this relationship remains elusive, Tell Them You Love Me probes vital conversations around connection across all kinds of borders – abilities, identities, experiences. It reveals our shared messiness and fallibility as human beings, however different our shields against the world’s darkness.

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