Alex Jones: NWO Wars Review – The Game No Globalist Wants You to Play

Love him or hate him, Alex Jones has made a career out of riling people up. The notorious radio show host and founder of Infowars rose to fame on the back of fiery rants and eyebrow-raising conspiracy theories. Chemtrails, fake moon landings, gay frogs – you name it, he’s raged about it. Jones’ provocative persona has sparked no shortage of controversy over the years. Now with Alex Jones: NWO Wars, he’s bringing that signature brand of brazen showmanship to the world of gaming.

This run-and-gun sidescroller takes cues from classics like Metal Slug, pairing retro graphics and straightforward 2D gameplay with Jones’ in-your-face satire. The premise? Jones is out to save humanity from a sinister cabal of globalist elites. Along the way, he’ll blast through parody versions of his favorite targets – the Clintons, Facebook, the mainstream media. It’s exactly the kind of irreverent, politically incorrect humor that the real Alex Jones built his career on.

NWO Wars doesn’t pretend to be anything other than a vehicle for Jones’ greatest hits and memes. With its $17.76 price tag and tongue-in-cheek tone, the game clearly aims its sights at a very specific crowd – diehard Infowars fans hungry for more. Like Jones himself, NWO Wars is bound to be divisive. But if you can stomach his signature brand of satire, you’re in for a wild ride.

Blast ‘Em Like It’s 1999

When it comes to gameplay, NWO Wars keeps things simple – run, gun, and unleash your inner Infowarrior. This is a sidescrolling shooter through and through, with tight controls and a retro pixel art style straight out of the 90s.

You take control of none other than Alex Jones himself, decked out in his signature black tee and cargo pants. He’s got an unlimited ammo pistol to take down the endless waves of globalist goons, as well as a trusty knife for up-close encounters. As you progress, you’ll unlock beefier weapons like a machine gun or flamethrower when you grab power-ups.

Each level takes aim at one of Jones’ favorite conspiracy targets. You’ll fight your way through some familiar Infowars sets like the Wuhan virology lab where COVID was supposedly created. Other levels include San Francisco, Epstein’s private island, and the World Economic Forum in Davos.

The enemies are hilarious caricatures of Jones’ usual suspects – like a wild-eyed Dr. Fauci firing syringes at you, or a cackling Hillary Clinton riding a mech suit. There are also surprise cameos from Joe Rogan, who you can ride like a trusty steed, and Tucker Carlson hurling his trademark bowties.

At the end of each stage, you’ll face off against a wacky boss character like Zuckerborg, a extraterrestrial-looking Mark Zuckerberg. Defeating them requires learning their patterns and looking for openings to strike.

With only 5 short levels, NWO Wars can easily be completed in around 30 minutes or less. The difficulty is quite forgiving, especially compared to unforgiving classics like Contra. You have unlimited continues and extra lives are abundant, so gameplay stays fun and breezy rather than frustrating.

The controls are simple but responsive. Jumping, shooting and knifing feel tight. Things move at a fast clip, so you’ll need quick reflexes to dodge incoming attacks. But this isn’t the kind of bullet hell shooter meant to mercilessly punish you for the slightest mistake.

Instead, NWO Wars keeps things accessible for casual players who just want to soak in the humor and memes. You’ll face little challenge blasting through the campaign on your first attempt. But the nonstop action provides some solid run-and-gun fun while it lasts.

So if you came for an old school challenge, you may leave disappointed. But if you just want to goof around as Alex Jones against a rogue’s gallery of caricatures, NWO Wars delivers some satisfying snarky catharsis.

Laughing All The Way to the NWO

Alex Jones has never been one for subtlety. NWO Wars follows suit, leaning hard into outrageous satire and over-the-top humor. This is meme-fueled political incorrectness cranked up to 11.

The jokes come fast and relentless. Globalists, liberals, the mainstream media – no one is safe from the game’s irreverent mockery. NWO Wars skewers Jones’ usual targets with all the subtlety of a sledgehammer.

Many of the voice lines are ripped straight from Jones’ shows or Internet-famous rants. As you play, you’ll hear his greatest hits like “I’m kind of retarded” and the infamous “They’re turnin’ the freakin’ frogs gay!” For diehard Infowars fans, it’s a nostalgic blast to the past.

The caricatures of politicians and media figures are especially hilarious. You’ve got a bug-eyed Hillary Clinton riding a mech, a reptilian Zuckerberg, and a rabid Jim Acosta. No punch is pulled – when Jones joked Obama was a demon, now you can blast Obama’s horned form with a shotgun.

Some cameos add absurdist flavor, like Joe Rogan as a Centaur you can ride or a bow tie-chucking Tucker Carlson. Memes and viral moments are parodied left and right, like Homelander lasering enemies while “Your Favorite President” flashes on screen.

There’s also plenty of hidden references and Easter eggs for eagle-eyed fans, like shooting a “CNN” sign to make it read “FNN” instead. Or finding a secret pizza parlor based on the Pizzagate conspiracy theory.

Moments like these reward encyclopedic knowledge of Jones lore. But you don’t have to be a diehard Infowarrior to get a chuckle out of pelting Anderson Cooper with tomatoes or watching a decked-out Truck Carlson charge into battle.

Some jokes inevitably land better than others. A few may make you groan rather than laugh out loud. But the gags come so fast and furious it’s hard to get hung up on any one for too long.

Above all, NWO Wars commits fully to its provocative premise. This is snarky partisan humor dialed up to the extreme. Those with more delicate political sensibilities may wince or roll their eyes. But that’s also the point.

NWO Wars embodies Jones’ irreverent spirit, political incorrectness and all. For fans of his special brand of subversive humor, every moment will feel cathartic. The rest of us can watch the ensuing fireworks from a cautious distance. Either way, there’s no denying NWO Wars goes bold with its own bombastic style of comedy.

All Style, Little Substance

NWO Wars nails the look and feel of a rowdy 90s sidescroller. The retro pixel art pops with color and fluid animation. Enemies die in excessive explosions of gibs and gore. It’s the perfect visual complement to Jones’ larger-than-life persona.

The graphics won’t blow you away, but they get the job done. Animations are smooth and detailed enough to recognize each wacky caricature. Levels have some nice visual gags, like shooting the gates of Epstein’s island to reveal his temple.

What the art style lacks in finesse it makes up for in chaotic energy. Environments crumble, bullets whiz by, and baddies meet absurdly violent ends. NWO Wars fully embraces the bombastic, no-holds-barred sensibility that defines Jones.

On the audio front, there’s a decent soundtrack of crunchy guitar riffs to ramp up the action. But the real highlight is Jones’ voiceover work, pulled straight from his greatest hits. Hearing his iconic lines again adds hugely to the humor and nostalgia. Sound effects like guns and explosions also pack a nice auditory punch.

Far less appealing is the game’s scant content and abrupt ending. At $17.76, the 30 minutes of gameplay feels overpriced. And it ends suddenly after the final boss with a halfhearted cutscene. With no achievements, collectibles or reasons to replay, longevity is severely lacking.

NWO Wars also lacks extras you’d expect even from budget indie games. There’s no option to adjust controls or graphics, bonus modes, or really any customization at all. What you see is what you get.

While the slick presentation mirrors Jones’ rambunctious personality, the lack of depth or longevity makes this feel less like a fleshed out game and more like a quick cash-grab novelty item for superfans.

Sure, the nonstop sensory assault matches the tone perfectly. But once the initial spectacle fades, the sparse content leaves you wanting. NWO Wars prioritizes style over substance – but a bit more meat on the bones could’ve gone a long way.

Jonesing for More

For all its raucous fun, NWO Wars has some glaring shortcomings. The biggest issue is the paltry amount of content given its premium $17.76 price tag. You can easily finish the game in half an hour, with little incentive to replay.

The difficulty is also incredibly forgiving. Except for the final boss, NWO Wars offers almost no challenge even for novice players. While the gameplay stays breezy and accessible, veterans seeking a real test of skill will be disappointed.

There’s also not much depth beyond the surface-level humor. The core run-and-gun mechanics are competent but bare bones. And the satire, while amusing, grows repetitive since it relies on one style of humor hammered repeatedly.

Additionally, the heavy political slant will inevitably alienate those not already onboard the Infowars train. The lack of alt fire modes or customization limits your options in combat. And the abrupt non-ending leaves the experience feeling incomplete.

Some extra modes, collectibles, or difficulty settings could’ve extended replay time. A bit more variety in enemies and locations would also bolster the stock standard levels.

In the end, NWO Wars feels less like a fully realized game and more like a disposable novelty item or piece of branded merchandise. There’s fun to be had in its unabashedly silly premise. But a little more depth and content would’ve gone a long way.

As is, only the most devoted Alex Jones fans will find enough value to justify the premium price tag. If you’re in the target demographic of diehard Infowarriors, NWO Wars will satisfy your craving for more of Jones’ signature style. For most other gamers, it’s a brief, pricey romp that, while fun, leaves you wanting more.

Final Thoughts

At the end of the day, NWO Wars delivers exactly what it says on the tin – a short, snarky piece of satire tailor-made for Infowars diehards. Its humor is divisive by design, so your enjoyment will depend heavily on your taste for Jones’ specific brand of hyperbolic provocation.

There’s no denying the game nails the look and humor of a vintage sidescroller, amplified to match Jones’ larger-than-life persona. The nonstop action and meme-filled jokes make for some cathartic fun in the moment. But with sparse content and high price, NWO Wars falls short as a complete, fully-featured game.

Still, if you’re in the target demographic of loyal Alex Jones fans, nothing here will disappoint. NWO Wars celebrates rather than skewers its titular figure, rewarding encyclopedic Infowars knowledge with deep-cut references. But those with more sensitive political palettes may find the humor leaves a bad taste.

At the end of the day, NWO Wars succeeds more as a novelty item than a fleshed out gaming experience. Brief, brash and unabashedly partisan, it encapsulates Jones’ essence while faltering on overall gameplay. For Infowarriors seeking a quick fix of carnage and provocation, NWO Wars delivers. The rest of us might be better off watching from the sidelines.

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